SOS of Dane County Newsletter
April 2000,  Vol. 6 Issue 22
 

DEREK'S QUILT
By Darlene Woldt (Derek's Mom)

When my son Derek died of suicide at the age of 18, I did not know which way to turn. Was this really happening to our family? How could it? We knew Derek had problems, but never, never did we ever imagine this could happen to him --and never, never could I imagine surviving this tragedy. Those first few months, I found myself searching for anyone, anything to help me find my way through this dark tunnel. The years now number 9 since Derek died. I have learned so much about myself, about Derek, about those who cared and continue to care about our family, and now know about grief and compassion.

With the help of others who understand this grief , we have found so many ways to remember Derek. We have a brick at Olbrich Gardens and bricks for our entire family at Monona Terrace, we place an "in Memoriam" ad in the newspaper on Derek's birthday and on his death date, we had a tree planted in the UW Arboretum and in the cemetery near Derek, we added a quilt square to the Survivors of Suicide quilt and the Compassionate Friends quilt, and we have attended numerous grief seminars over the years.

Shortly after Derek's death, I remember reading an article about a bereaved mother remembering her child by having a quilt made, and I knew someday I would probably do the same. About five years after Derek's death, I contacted a young mother from Middleton who was a quilter. With great hesitation in handing over my son's precious clothes, she helped me to design the quilt hangings and then completed the quilts for me. One quilt contains remnants of his jeans and the second quilt is a patchwork of his shirts. We recently purchased a beautiful quilt rack and now the two Derek quilts are displayed in our family room. The quilts remind me of Derek's life --with a story behind each quilt square. The bright colors remind me of the laughter and joy he brought to our family and the fun times we had -the dark colors bring back memories of the dark side of Derek- his manic depression and the difficult times in school and with relationships. The quilt hanging of his jeans brings back memories of the different styles of jeans he always HAD to have. He never got to see the big, baggy style of jeans, but I am sure he would have HAD to have a pair. The quilt of his shirts brings back memories of shirts purchased for his birthday or Christmas, his biking shirts, and the matching shirts he and I had (although he made sure we never wore them on the same day). These quilts will always remain a treasure because of a special son who lived for 18 years. I want others to remember his life, not only his death. My husband, Duane, and I are blessed with four wonderful children- three here on earth and our Derek in heaven.

The love and memories will remain in our hearts forever.